Jeep+Boat+Nerf Football=75MPG

You probably noticed I haven't written anything in a while and you have probably given up on me by now. Some pretty drastic changes have taken place around the Riveryak Compound lately. We lost two members of the congregation, almost three, and gained a brand new one!

First of all, the losses. I am near tears as I write this. There is no more JeepYak. JeepYak was sold and will probably waste away in the dude's driveway as his weekend toy. Wish I could blow that much money on a toy. I made a pretty cool slideshow of JeepYak, but am not able to post it on here. The link to see it is here . If that doesn't work, try this one. In the area that says 'Member Name', type riveryak. Click the little picture at the bottom that says 'Goodbye Jeep'. This is Emmy material.

Next to go was my sailboat. A cool guy came by the house tonight and gave me cash for it. I felt bad because I had the cover off gettting ready to clean when it began raining. The stupid white pine in our yard dumped its worthless needles all over the boat, making a huge mess. But the guy bought it anyways. That, ladies and gentlemen, is why the guy is cool. I'll miss the sailboat, but not nearly as much as JeepYak. If you feel sorry for me, as you should for my losses, use the link on the right called 'buy me a boat' to, well, buy me a boat. Any of them will do, but I prefer to sail.

The near miss. My dog had a cyst the size of a Nerf football inside his abdomen. It couldn't be seen from the outside, so we had no idea how long this thing had been in there. The vet recommended surgery, because it could be a tumor. So, being the good pet owner's we are, we went with it. Doggy ate the money from JeepYak and the sailboat. You think you're getting ahead by selling your prized possessions, and WHAM! Life smacks you right in the burrito. The cyst turned out to be his left kidney. I'm no veterinarian(even though I gave a half ass attempt at it for two semesters), but I doubt they are supposed to be that big. The doc said it was most likely congenital and it may or may not have caused him any harm. But thanks for giving me thousands of dollars to see it! The irony of this story; our cat has the same condition and will most likely need the same operation some day.

Now for the addition. Drum roll...wait for it...wait forrrr ittttt...I bought a Vespa! I went from $75 a month in gas to 75mpg over night. Here's my secret that I will fill you in on for FREE! I sold JeepYak and bought a Vespa LX50. That's 50cc's of pure adrenaline pumping fury that does about 20mph up hill. Sure, there are bigger and faster models, but mine doesn't have to be registered, I don't have to carry insurance, and best of all...no waiting in line at the DMV for a motorcycle license! Anybody over 16 with a valid driver's license (they check) and $3000 can buy one and drive it home from the shop without knowing anything at all about riding motorcycles! Uninsured! What a hell of a deal, huh!?

Without JeepYak around, I don't know how I am going to get my kayak to the river. Last weekend I strapped it to the top of my wife's Honda and took off to Richmond-an hour and a half away at 70 mph. I bought some foam blocks that protect the car from the kayak and also stabilize the hull. They actually worked extremely well, but I am still buying a roofrack this week. Even on the blocks, the kayak actually moves when a truck passes. If you want to see what the air around your car is doing while travelling at 65 behind a truck, strap a kayak to your roof via the foam block method. I stopped at a rest area to check the tie downs and the seat made a sucking 'POP' sound when I got out of it.

Speaking of driving to Richmond with the kayak strapped to the car. I went kayaking on the James River in Richmond with BIL last weekend. Our purpose was to check out the dams that will impede our forward motion in September. Bosher Dam, the largest dam that we were really scared of, turns out to have a thoughtful little portage built around it. Dam #1, checked off the list without any worries.

The next dam is a "Z" dam that zigs rather than zags across the river like a "Z". This dam is rather small and easy to portage. We portaged it in order to reach our final destination for the day, Pony Pasture. BIL was on top of the dam handing my boat down to me; who was below the dam with a Northern Water Snake. AKA, not my best friend. The snake is non-venomous and doesn't care. Nor do I. Several times I told BIL about the snake. BIL knew what I was saying because he acknowledged it, yet he kept feeding the boat down to me. "No dude, he's right where I need to put the boat!" I said frantically trying to stop the boat from blocking my sight of the enormous snake that now had plans to constrict me. The snake caught the current from the dam and let itself get washed away. That was actually really cool. A bit of relief swept over my body until I realized I couldn't see where it was anymore. "Oh my God," I thought to myself. "He is going to lunge out of the water at any moment and kill me." As I took the weight of my kayak from BIL and lowered it into the water, Mr. Snake popped his head out of the water back in another area where my boat needed to go. I waited a little bit and made some noise in the water and finally he went back under. BIL walked right in the exact spot, where only moments before, the snake disappeared under water. "That's where he was!" I warned, but BIL didn't seem to care. Being the wise and snake respecting kayaker I am, I pushed my boat far off to the edge where the snake couldn't possibly be. As I readied my boat and paddle for boarding, the snake slithered on top of the water around the bow of my boat and at me before making a last minute turn into an eddy and under some foliage. It's a good thing he turned, becuase one of us was about to piss himself. I wish I had it on film because it had to be some kind of speed record for boarding a kayak without tipping over.

The rest of the trip was a lazy float down to Pony Pasture. This is the area where we ran out of water and ate the last of the food. We were hot, burned, tired, thirsty and hungry. A great recipe for making kayakers ill tempered. Pony Pasture has a reputation for killer rapids when the water level is high. The day we were there, the water was low and the infamous killer Pony Pasture was full of babies and small children swimming. But, by God, we made it through without so much as a roll! We believe we can make it all the way to our intended take out downstream from Belle Isle on river left. We have been without rain for a long time, but yesterday and today has been making up for that. I haven't checked the river levels, but I'm not very concerned. As dry as it has been, the ground should be soaking up most of the water, not leaving much for runoff. With the dams no longer a threat, the only thing to worry about is flood conditions. The James gets really angry when it floods. With Ernesto on its way to this area, the James River might get really pissed off. That would not be condusive to kayakers carrying five nights worth of camping gear.



















Ernesto's projected route. Courtesy of University of Hawaii. I'm kinda glad they figure it is going directly over our kayak route, because they are ALWAYS wrong when trying to predict a storms path.

Fair winds and Following Seas, JeepYak. I had fun building and driving you. Good luck...